Can't Sleep
by BarthVader
Summary: Two least likely people end up discussing their lives, mistakes and regrets. Part one of The Regret Tetralogy.


**This was written between publishing chapters 5 and 6 of Back On My Feet.**

**Guess which Kanker is my favourite to write about. Hint: it's not Marie.**

**I don't own Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy. I only own Double D. He's currently unconscious and tied in my basement. Ladies, make your offer. **

It was a cold, quiet night in the suburbs of Peach Creek.

The streets were devoid of life, only a broken lamppost blinked from time to time. Everybody was in their houses, sleeping, gaining strength to face another day.

Well, almost everybody.

One teenager, about thirteen years old, was sitting awake in the living room of his house. He was sitting on the couch, not bothering to change his clothes. The boy idly watched a B-movie on his TV. On the table between the couch and the TV set stood a table with a glass of juice on it.

Suddenly, the boy heard a sound. A very silent yet distinct sound of someone sneaking down the corridor. He heard it so many times, and knew exactly what to expect.

"Step outta the shadows, Kanker." he said emotionlessly.

A fifteen-year-old girl stepped into the faint light emitted by the television. She wore a one-size-too-big white tank-top with red polka dots, one-size-too-small jeans and worn-out running shoes. The girl's eyes were covered by her curly red hair.

"How did you know it was me?" Lee asked.

"My parents are out of town, Lumpy and Sockhead wouldn't sneak up on me and I just hoped it wasn't my scumbag bro with some sort of vendetta for Ed slamming him with a door. This leaves either you or your sisters." Eddy answered, still not bothering to emote. "Do whatever you please and get out, I wanna be alone."

The boy closed his eyes and waited until the unwanted guest will tackle him to the ground, push him against the wall or otherwise immobilize and start kissing, but no such thing happened. The boy turned around and opened his eyes to see Lee still standing silently in the corridor, leaned against the wall.

The boy groaned. "You gonna stand there all night?"

"You've got a problem with that, Eddy?" she spat.

"Aw jeez, don't stand in the corridor. Just sit down on the couch or something. I'll get some food"

He stood up. As long as the girl wasn't in the amorous mood, he didn't really care about her. He could as well behave like a proper host. Eddy went to the kitchen to get some juice and cake. He grabbed a carton and a plate from the refridgerator and another glass from the cupboard. When he returned to the room, the girl was sitting on the couch, just like the boy suggested, twirling a remote in her hands. He noticed that her right palm was bandaged.

"So, what the heck do you want?" he asked, putting down the comestibles.

"I can't fall asleep, so I decided I needed a walk. And I'd walked here." she replied nonchalantly.

The boy's half-deadpan, half-surprised glare was worth more than a thousand words.

"You waltz into my house at 3 AM, I don't hafta wipe your cheap lipstick off my face, you behave like a normal human being for once, well, relatively normal, and you called me 'Eddy' instead of those darn" cue air quotes "'affectionate' nicknames."

"Thatsh your name, ishn't it?" she said, chewing on a slice of cake.

"Don't change the subject." Eddy replied. "Something happened to you to make you behave like this."

He looked into her eyes, or where he thought they were, and trying to sound as confident as possible, he asked:

"Tell me, what's inside the mind of Lee Kanker?"

The girl remained unfazed.

"Let's reverse this question: what's inside the mind of Edward McGee?" the girl countered.

The boy's eyes widened a bit. He was taken aback by the girl's rebuttal.

"You aren't asleep as well. You react to me breaking in by offering me a glass of juice. And you actually treat me with something resembling respect, despite all the stuff I've done to you. So...?"

The boy tried to reply to it, but couldn't form a decent answer. After a few seconds he sighed with defeat.

"Alright. You know what, let's do it like this: you will tell me what's wrong with you, and I'll tell you what's wrong with me. A secret for a secret."

"Yeah, right." Lee spat. "And the next day everyone on the streets knows what I've said."

Eddy rolled his eyes.

"Do you know what's under Double D's hat?"

The girl shrugged her elbows. "Not a clue."

"Then I can keep my mouth shut."

Lee sighed. "Okay, whatever. Who starts talking?"

Eddy outstretched his hand. "Rock-paper-scissors?"

They made a 'one, two, three' motion and threw. Eddy extended two fingers, Lee's palm remained a fist.

"Rock beats scissors." the redhead stated.

"Best two out of three?"

"Forget it."

"Darn." Eddy sat down. He grabbed the carton and filled his glass. "I don't even know where to start."

"The beginning. Genesis. _At first, God created the sky, and the Earth. _Stuff like this." she said.

"Like what, my first scam?"

"That's something."

"All right." the boy sighed. He grabbed his glass and began his story.

"So, it happened when I was four. Or five. Doesn't really matter. I was following my brother like his shadow or something. You're a big sis yourself, probably know something about this."

Lee nodded. Eddy went on.

"Once we went together on some bazaar and he started dealing three-card shuffle. Y'know how it goes. So, I was pestering him to let me try it. He did. We lost all our cash. Boy, was he pissed."

"Was he always treating you like what I saw at that amusement park?" the girl asked.

"All the time." Eddy replied, still not bothering to show any hint of emotion. "Whenever I messed his vinyl collection, told him we're outta cereals, looked at him funny... well, you get the picture."

Lee muttered something.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I'm pretty sure you said something." Eddy pushed.

"I said 'fucker'." she spat. "Satisfied?"

"Oh." Eddy wasn't moved by this, since he had similar opinion about his brother.

But the girl continued.

"The biggest possible cunt in the history of cunts." She raised her voice a tone, making Eddy inch away. "If your goddamn sibling goes to your trailer and asks you for help, you help him. You don't beat him and his friends for your own sick amusement, laughing like a fuckin' madman!"

All of a sudden, she gazed at Eddy. The boy was disturbed. He 'knew' Lee for roughly a year and she never was that upset. Except that one incident with ship in a bottle, but he later learned by accident it was a reminder of one of her better stepfathers. Now she seemed to have no real reason to get angry.

"Say it." Her tone became unusually harsh.

"What?!"

"I know you want to say it. Do it now."

"What in Matt Hill am I supposed to say!?"

"That I'm a hypocrite!" she erupted. "It's all fine as long as I'm the one dishin' it, but when somebody else's doing it, it's suddenly a big effin' deal!"

"I'm a con man, for Christ's sake!" he countered, shouting as well. "A shitty one at that! If you think I'm going to judge you or somethin', you gotta be completely bonkers!"

The girl noticed that trying to outshout Eddy is pointless. She remained silent for a few seconds and took a deep breath to relax a bit.

"Y'know..." she continued, in a calmer tone. "me, May and Marie argue all the bloody time. We even punched each other in the face once or twice. Normal sibling stuff... But if someone had the _balls _to threaten them, I woulda blew his face off with a 12 gauge."

Eddy twitched a little.

"I mean, it's how it usually goes, isn't it? Brother defends sister and vice versa."

The boy muttered something, probably agreeing with the girl. She poured herself a glass of juice.

"After you three were carried away, like you won the damn Nobel Prize, me and my sisters dragged him back to his trailer. You know what would normally follow."

She took a sip of juice and went on.

"But nope, we all look at him, remind what he'd done to you and can't bring myself to even touch him. To hell with my sisters, this guy somehow managed to disgust _me_. And believe me, I've seen stuff that woulda make you shit your pants at night."

The boy noticed that the liquid in Lee's glass began to wrinkle.

"Your hand is shaking."

"Yes, it is." she said. "It might happen when a person is upset. Believe it or not, I'm a human being, not some sort of heartless trailer trash twat. I just..." she looked for an appropriate phrase, "don't show my emotions in public."

"'Cause?" Eddy asked.

"It allows you to mess with people's minds." she replied. "When they believe you are a ruthless psycho, they are afraid of you. They don't know what boundaries you can and will cross... But," she stopped, "we stopped talking about your reasons and started talking about mine."

"Since we've ventured there, you might as well go on." the boy said, grabbing a piece of cake.

Lee put her palm on her face and let out a deep sigh.

"Whatever." she replied after a few seconds. "I don't like talking about this stuff.

"Neither do I." Eddy remarked.

"Alright, alright. The short version: we were bullied. For lotsa stuff. After one particularly bad day we've said 'fuck it' and prepared a plan to kick the bastards' asses in front of everyone. It worked. After we've run out of bad guys to beat up we found out we like it too much and started tormenting the good ones." She raised her head and pointed at the boy. "Like you."

Eddy chuckled. It was a dry, sarcastic chuckle.

"I'm not saying this is a justification." she added. "You can tell you're doing this for the greater good or because ma didn't hug you enough, but it doesn't change the fact that you slammed someone's head against a wall and then shoved him into a locker."

"It's not about that." the boy replied. "You called me a good guy."

"You're better than me, that's for sure."

Eddy sighed, yet again that night, and hid his face in his hands.

"You at least have enough spine to stand by your fuckin' sisters." Lee didn't notice that, but a single tear rolled down his cheek. What she did notice, is that the boy's voice minimally changed its pitch. He sounded dolefully.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know, all of those scams... they were dumb." Eddy replied, trying his best not to crack. "I know they were stupid, and I almost killed four people yesterday... but one single sentence I said makes me wanna jam nails into my fucking eyes."

"And it was..."

"I... don't remember word for word,... but it was pretty much: it was Double D's fault, beat him up instead."

Another drop rolled down his face. Noticing that, Lee pulled out a pack of tissues out of her jeans pocket and slid it across the table towards the boy.

"Go on. Nothing will leave this room." she assured. "I swear to my sisters' life."

Eddy began sobbing quietly.

"I... never had the _guts _to admit... all those failures coulda been avoided... if I wasn't such a stuck-up cretin." he said, noticeably failing to find the right words. "I had... treated Ed and Double D like shit... They are wonderful guys, the best friends I could dream of... and I almost lost them, 'cause I'm a worthless piece of crap." He wiped his eyes.

Lee looked down.

"Well, it could've been worse."

"Like?

"You at least have some friends left."

The boy raised his head with curiosity, wondering what the girl meant by this.

"It's such a wonderful feeling: get out of your house and realize there's nowhere else you can go." she said sarcastically. Her voice became dry and harsh.

She was angry, but it wasn't her usual way of expressing it. She was sitting motionlessly, eyes locked on the floor, as if she was too ashamed to look up.

"I should've known better. New place, new people, new surroundings. After moving, I got a blank card, _tabula rasa_ or something, I was able to create a new me. But nope, it's better to do the same ol' shit and alienate everyone with a self-preservation instinct."

Eddy pushed a pack of tissues back to the girl.

"I don't need them." she assured. "Crying doesn't solve your problems. It can only make you dehydrated."

She paused for a moment to pour herself another glass of drink and drank it without hurry, sip by sip. Then, she went on.

"I returned home, thinking about who I am and what I am doing with my life. I couldn't stop thinking. I was inable to catch a bloody Z, because of nightmares."

"Like?"

"Don't wanna talk about them. Let's just say I woke up, realized I hate myself - hence the bandage - and went on a walk."

Eddy gazed at the girl, flabbergasted by what she was saying.

"I dunno why I ended up here, I didn't have a set destination. Probably guilt, for being an asshole to you in particular. Or maybe I expected that you'll finally punch me in the face, 'cause I deserve it for sure." she finished.

After that, both of them remained silent, lowered their heads, thinking about their lives and their mistakes. Neither of them knew that, but their train of thought was quite similar.

They were surprised.

They were surprised that they managed to tell somebody about their problems, neither of them being the type of person capable of doing such thing. Not to mention the individual in front of them was the last person they could entrust their thoughts and regrets. The boy couldn't believe that the rapist-in-training making his life a living hell since the last summer actually has some standards and feelings. The girl was dumbfounded that the guy she treated as his personal toy is convinced he's the evil one.

But there was one more feeling shared by both of them.

"Y'know," Lee broke the silence, "I feel better now. It feels... good to get this off my chest. It's some odd sort of... I dunno, relief?"

"Same here." Eddy replied. "If you'll ever need anything more like that, drop by. Use the back door though, or people might start talk stuff."

For the first time in a few days, Lee let out an honest laugh. Eddy outstretched his hand.

"Well, guess I'm sorry for our first meeting. The one when you tried to be nice and I acted like a tool."

"And I'm sorry for meetings two to one hundred thirty-four." the girl responded. "No hard feelings?"

"No hard feelings." They shook each other's hands.

"Well, off I go." she said. "I woke up my sisters before leaving, might as well reassure them that I'm not lying in a ditch with my throat slit and my pants around my ankles."

"That would require at least four desperate guys with shotguns." Eddy replied. "Just use my phone and tell you'd wandered to my house."

"Thanks." Lee walked to the phone, picked up the receiver and dialled the number. Then she turned the loudspeaker on and put the receiver back on the base. Dial signal sounded in the room.

And another.

And another.

"I don't like it." Lee muttered. "They are both light sleepers."

"Ain't you overreactin' a bit?" Eddy replied. "I think they can take care of themselves."

"That doesn't mean I can't be worried about them. Gotta go."

"I'm going with ya." the boy stood up.

Lee snickered. "Why are you so eager to help me now?"

"As I've said, I have my own shit to atone." Eddy walked to the chest of drawers and pulled out a kukri and a scabbard from the bottom drawer. "I suck at knife fighting, but dad claims most people run away just at the sight of this baby." He sheathed the blade and put in on himself so that it'd be unnoticeable under a jacket.

"I just have a butterfly knife on myself." the girl remarked. "I don't have to compensate for anything."

"Let's go." Eddy said through his teeth.

**I like to challenge myself. Writing Eddy and Lee interacting peacefully and talking to each other about their lives and keeping them in character is a _massive_ challenge.**

**If you are going to review this, please tell me three things: are they both IC, am I not overdosing the angst or whitewashing Lee too much. I'm the first one to complain about those things in a fic, so I don't want to look like a hypocrite.**

**EDIT: ****Originally this was written as a standalone one-shot, but later I had an idea for a similar story with Edd and Marie. Then with Ed and May. And then another one, telling what happened beforehand. Therefore, a few details (most notably the ending) got retconned, and this story is now the first part of something I nicknamed The Regret Tetralogy. Part Two is being written.**


End file.
